I’d made such a conscious effort to evade those thoughts that leak in when I wake up or drive or hear a certain joke. And now they hardly ever seep in; but they still do. And I can’t help but feel like I forced myself into thinking it isn’t that bad. But if that feeling were return in full, that knowledge of what is gone and probably never coming back - I don’t think I’d be coasting by the way I am.
It must be better this way. Better to leave that happiness where it is. Was. It’s better to forget what you’ve missed because it’s been missing for so long it isn’t yours anymore. It was real but it was then. Part of letting go of the temporal means letting go of relationships. Don’t spite what you had because it doesn’t belong to you anymore. Be thankful it happened at all.
I have 2 moods.
1. I’m too high for this shit.
2. I’m not high enough for this shit.